I found that going public with my blog questions the other day helped me to sort out more of what was going on. Because of the black and white thinking with which I was raised (in both family and church), I can still be very legalistic with and hard on myself. One reason I've struggled so much with blogging is that I was searching for some sort of perfect "rule" for how much I would blog and when. I started by posting every day and then after a few months went down to six days a week. I kept that up for weeks even when I was working extra jobs.
Then when I started the Artist's Way, I said I'd post 3 or 4 days a week, and I've felt that I had to keep to that because I'd "given my word." But of course, no one is sitting around marking things down in a little notebook: "Hmmm, Ruth only posted three times this week, and she went three days without posting at all." In reality, the only expectations I'm fighting against are those inside my own head. (My husband says that I can turn almost any hobby into work.)
For now at least, I've decided not to decide. I'm going to try to give myself permission to be random and unpredictable, and then see if I can live with the tension of that. I'm going to try to make this blog a more organic thing, to post when I want to post and to leave it alone when I don't. If that organic process creates enough posts for the blog to continue, then I will be glad because I truly don't want to throw away a year of relationships and of creative effort.
I thank those of you who empathized with the tension I was feeling. It helped to know that others struggle with the question of what it means to be a good blogger.
(Editorial note: I've deleted a paragraph here that was based on a misunderstanding. If you read it in Google reader, please know that the issue was resolved.)