Quick Update

I just want to thank you for all the encouragement yesterday. As I noted in the afternoon, we did receive one of the four checks. It should keep us going till the others arrive.

I finished the most difficult part of the writing assignment that's due Monday. (I had to summarize a 371-page novel in about 550 words. I ran over a bit, but I think it will still fit on the page.)

And we found out that Michael's cousin can put him up when he goes to the funeral, so no hotel bill. That reduces the expenses of the trip significantly. I was worried about adding more debt when our situation is feeling so tight.

Today, I'm going to our writers' group in the morning, and in the afternoon I'm working on the novel guide. You have to admit, I know how to have a good time.  :-)

Friday Morning Moan

Good morning. I'm going to throw a bunch of random stuff out here because . . . well, that's where I'm at this morning. Actually, I think this post is going to be an extended moan.

I woke up at 5:00 and couldn't get back to sleep because I kept thinking about how much work I have to do. Over the first four days this week, I did about 35 hours of work. I have another 14 or 15 to do by the end of the day tomorrow. I'm starting to feel like a robot. Once I started writing lesson plans in my head as I lay in the dark bedroom, I knew it was time to get up.

It's 25 degrees outside, and my driveway is glazed with ice, so I took Smokey through the yard and around the house. Most of the snow cover is gone. Fortunately for us, the temps remained above freezing yesterday while the 1.5 inches of rain was falling.

We have four outstanding invoices that we expected to receive payment on by now. I'm trying not to freak out about the thousands of dollars we're owed and about our tight cash flow. I expect to get some of the money within a week, but it's not something I can control. Any prayers for the situation would be much appreciated.

Today would have been my dad's 94th birthday. He's been gone since October 2001, and I'm missing him this week. The other day, I woke up early in the morning and as I was lying in bed, I felt his presence in a way I never have before. In a very strange sort of way, I felt that I had become him, as though I was in his body . . . although I didn't feel male or anything like that. He was a hard worker, and for a few seconds, I felt like I was living his life, waking up tired but knowing that I had to get up and push through the day whether I wanted to or not. I think probably what happened was that the way I'm feeling this week triggered some very old, very vivid memory of the way I perceived my dad in the mornings. I don't know. As I said, I've never experienced anything like that before and I don't really have words for it.


We've also had some family troubles. Michael lost his only aunt this week, and my mother has been in the hospital with pneumonia. We're not sure when his aunt's memorial service will be. She lived down by St. Louis. At this point, we're thinking Michael will go without me. He and his sister will rent a car and drive. (Her car is too old for the jouney, and if Michael takes our car, I'll be without transportation for two days. We're a one-car couple.)

Oh, and as of this morning, I had 172 unread posts in my reader, and I know I won't be able to read blogs either today or tomorrw. I don't imagine I'm going to be able to catch up, do you? Next week, I'll just have to start fresh and do my best to scan the old posts for anything I didn't want to miss.

So sorry for the "pity post." I have to turn in my last novel study guide Monday, and then I'll be down to one job. I should return to good spirits shortly thereafter. 

EARLY AFTERNOON UPDATE: One of the four checks just arrived in the mail. Things just got easier. Phew.

The Best News about Evan in a Long Time!

Evan was released from the hospital yesterday!!!

Thank you to all who have been praying. Here is Jaime's journal entry for details:

Day +70, our 241st day here...

Wow, today has been a very long and emotional day. There are no words to describe how we feel today. After 241 day in the hospital EVAN IS FINALLY OUT!!!! I guess it makes our let down the past week a bit easier to handle. I am sure you can imagine how busy it has been for us today.

Evan was finally released at 3:15 this afternoon. Our day prior to that was spent packing up the last of our things, taking Ian to the Dental Clinic (more on that later) and making a few trips to the Skywalk Pharmacy (located in the bldg) to pick-up all of his meds. How many meds you are wondering, well hold on to your seat folks.......35 (by G-tube, mouth cares, G-tube cares, IV meds), his TPN and his IV fluids. Yes, that correct and just a bit overwhelming. Some of them are PRN (as needed) but not many! I will share his schedule with you when I have the time (and energy) to type it all!! He is getting something every 6 hours.

He is doing well. It has been a lot for him to take in today. Tomorrow and Friday he has clinic at 1pm. He also has PT on Friday before clinic. They will draw labs each day and any changes will be made then. I will give you more info on our clinic visits once we make it through our first. Please say a prayer for him tomorrow as it is going to be a very big adjustment. Thankfully our fabulous PA, Darci, is going to meet him in clinic tomorrow. She wants to be able to help ease him into things. We are really going to miss Darci. Her office was directly across from Ev's room. I am sure it will be a bit strange for her to not see his crazy green alien picking his nose in a santa hat, that he painted on his door in the morning. We received a huge round of applause from everyone around the nurses station when we left. Yes, I lost it!! Lori, Issy's mom gave me a big hug which also threw me over the edge. Heck, I am starting all over again just typing this. We will miss all of our wonderful "family" on the HOT unit. We have seen these incredible people every day for the last 241 and they have made a huge imprint upon our hearts and souls. Our lives have truly been changed because of all their hard work and dedicate to our precious boy.

Okay, I guess I am a bit more emotional that I thought! I will update more on Ev's medical stuff tomorrow. I will also give you an update on Ian then as well. I just wanted to make sure you could all share in our wonderful news. This journey is FAR from over, we are just on the next new path. Good night and God Bless.

A prayer

I've been using The Divine Hours by Phyllis Tickle to pray the morning office. (I haven't managed to add noon prayer and vespers, but that's a different post.)

Anyway, this is the prayer appointed for this week, and I've been finding it very meaningful. I'll post it without further comment.

Most loving Father, whose will it is for us to give thanks for all things, to fear nothing but the loss of you, and to cast all our care on you who cares for us: Preserve me from faithless fears and worldly anxieties, that no clouds of this mortal life may hide from me the light of that love which is immortal, and which you have manifested to us in your Son Jesus Christ our Lord; who lives and reigns with you, in the unity of the Holy Spirit, one God, now and for ever. Amen.

Catching a Breather

Good morning.

The last three days were more of a marathon than I anticipated. I had two competing deadlines Friday, and I have another major one tomorrow. Not only did I write 10 hours Thursday, but Friday was also a 10-hour day and yesterday was a 9-hour day. I'm moving and thinking a little slowly this morning.

Tomorrow, I start what looks to be another long week, so I'm taking it very easy today. We're going grocery shopping, and that's it as far as work / chores is concerned.

What I want to share, though, is something that happened yesterday. When I woke up in the morning, I really didn't know how I was going to get through the day. But as I sat down to the computer, I felt the Lord giving me an image of floating, relaxed on a salty sea. I sensed that he was telling me not to fight my workload but just to give myself to it and do each task as it came. So that's what I did, and I accomplished more yesterday than I expected I would. I thought I was going to have to carry about four hours of work into Monday in order to meet tomorrow's deadline. Instead, I have only about two hours to do. The reason this is so important is that I have a full day of work for my other job once I finish the carryover.

Yesterday, it was really tempting to skip my prayer time and get right to work after breakfast, but I chose not to do that. I'm glad I didn't. I don't know if I would have sensed God's message to me if I hadn't been listening.

Have a restful Sunday.

Frazzled Friday

Smokey thanks you kindly for all the birthday greetings. I was tempted to let him write the post again today, as I'm swamped. We took President's Day off because we really needed some time, but now I'm drowning in work. The two different jobs I have are both experiencing heavy work flows and a crunch time of deadlines. I worked a ten-hour writing day yesterday, and I expect to work 8 hours today and 6 hours tomorrow.

The second job (the part-time one) has to be finished by Monday, March 2, so there's light at the end of the tunnel. I'm just hoping the light isn't from an approaching train. Ha ha.

Seriously, I'm sorry this is such a lame post but it's the best I can do this morning.

Birthday Dog Blog

Hi, it's Smokey here. My mom says that I get to write the blog today cuz it's my birfday. I'm four years old today. I'm a Big Boy and a Good Dog. I think I'm going to get some new toys today, . . . but Mom sez I can't have any waffles cuz they is bad for me.

Sometimes it iz hard to be a Good Dog. I want my mom to play with me lots more than she does. I want her to hold me on her lap and pet me and get rid of that stoopid laptop. The only good thing about it iz that I gets to blog sometimes. And that's how I got to know all of you. Did you all send me birfday cards? With treats in dem?

Oh, Mom just told me that it's "bad" to ask for presents. There are so many things to remember when you want to be a Good Dog.

I want to tell you a story. I think Mom told it once, but I want to tell my side. A long time ago I lived in a house with two other humans and four grown-up dogs and eight puppies. Three of the puppies was my siblings and five was my cousins. I had lots of playmates, but some of them were really bossy. I'm not very bossy, you know, and I sorta got overlooked a lot.

One day these two new humans came and looked at all of us. I heard the lady say somethin' to the man about how I wuz duh one whoze pitcher she looked at on teh Internet. She liked me best, but duh man wazn't so sure. But after playing out in duh yard for a while, duh man agreed that I had the sweetest personality of the whole mess of puppies. (I'm not bragging, just telling what they sed.)

I liked it that they paid 'tenshun to me cuz in that big pack, I wasn't used to being the center of 'tenshun. Then the dog breeder lady (I forgotted her name cuz she ain't my mom no more) said, "Let's all go in the house." Well, the grown up dogs went in first and the puppies scrambled in next. I was last, like always, cuz i was what the dog breeder lady called an "Omega puppy." (That's opposite of alpha. I was the mostest submissive in the pack.) I wuz last, and as I wuz goin' inside I worried that I wasn't going to see the nice lady who had fussed over me anymore. So I stopped right smack in the middle of the doorway and looked back at her and gave her a stare to say, "Iz you comin' or what?" So she came in the house, and the dog breeder lady said it was ok for her and duh man to 'dopt me only not till I wuz a little older.

And that's how Ruth and Michael became my mom and dad. Cuz I picked them and the dog breeder lady knew that I was smart and right and a Good Dog. (And I wuz. Just look how happy Mom is in the picture. Another lady took it that same day.)

Happy birfday to me.

What I've been reading . . .

For one of my recent jobs, I've had to read several young adult novels and write study guides for them. The last two were graphic novels . . . the first two I've ever read.

The first one was Maus I: A Survivor's Tale: My Father Bleeds History. I've heard about this book for years, and I've always avoided it. For those of you who don't know, it's a Holocaust story. The author, Art Spiegelman, tells about the wartime experiences of his parents in Poland. It's a two-volume work, and for my assignment I had to read only the first half. The thing that made me avoid this book up till now is that the drawings show Jews as mice, Nazis as cats, and Poles as pigs. Frankly, I thought it would be disrespectful. However, the book won me over. I think . . . and this is just my own opinion . . . that Spiegelman chose to do that as a way to satirize the racial stereotypes that underlay Nazi ideology. The other thing that makes Maus interesting is that it's a dual story, as much about the difficult relationship between Art and his Holocaust survivor father as it is about the war. If you find reading Holocaust literature a beneficial experience, I'd recommend this. (I know a lot of people won't read such memoirs.)

The second graphic novel I read is Laika. This book is equally well done, and unlike Maus, it's in color. But I had a really difficult time reading this one because it's about the dog that died in the second spacecraft launched by the Soviet Union. What was really hard for me to take is that the people who planned the launch made absolutely no provision for bringing the dog back down. They rushed their second launch before they were ready because Khrushchev wanted to demonstrate Soviet superiority over the U.S. on the 40th anniversary of the revolution. The dog lived only 5 hours and died from heat stress, although the Soviet authorities lied about Laika's fate until 2002! (They claimed it lived 4 or 5 days and then was painlessly euthanized.) Anyway, this book is well done but I can't recommend it unless you have a strong stomach for human cruelty to animals. (I know it's ridiculous that I can tolerate human cruelty to humans better than human cruelty to animals, but at least I know I'm not alone in this.)

Finally, I just finished another book that I read for fun: Roma: The Novel of Ancient Rome (Novels of Ancient Rome) by Steven Saylor. Jay Simser recommended it, and I really like good historical novels so I was glad to get this one. It's a fictional account of the history of Rome from the very earliest times of settlement by the Tiber to the end of Augustus' reign. I think probably the most fascinating part of it was the way it came up with explanations for the many legends and religious rituals that the ancient Romans had. Many famous Romans—Scipio Africanus, the Gracchi brothers, and Julius Caesar—are all characters in the novel. I'm hoping Saylor writes a sequel.

Coupling

to my Valentine . . . 

With every other man,

the damage comes at entry:
serrated knife blade carving me in hemispheres,
good half, bad half, toss the unacceptable
the way one slices a blue-furred softness
from a peach,
then devours the sweet remainder,
sucking on the pit to savor each luscious drop.

But you, my love,
penetrate without injury,
fit me like a joint within its proper socket,
suffuse me like magma in the crevices of earth.
With you inside, my severed halves are unified,
and only when you exit,
     do you wound me.

Pigeon

A post I read on someone else's blog reminded me of this poem. I wrote it long ago, but I still like it.

PIGEON

I gave you love,

a wild, grey-dappled pigeon

with a green, iridescent neck.

And you said, "Where the hell will I keep it?"

I started to tell you that pigeons walk on ledges

or fly above the traffic,

while we stand below on the sidewalk

tossing bread crumbs.

But the moment you felt it stretch its wings,

you squeezed it in your hand

and strangled it.

I refuse to take it back,

the cold body and twisted feathers.

So I leave it on an altar

to wait for resurrection. 

False Spring . . . but Real Spring Is Coming

See the difference between this and the banner photo?

It's foggy outside this morning. We've had a warm up the last few days. In fact, we had two days of temperatures near 60 (Saturday and yesterday). Our snow pack is gone except for the mountains created by snow plows. The sidewalks are clear again (lots of people in our subdivision don't shovel), so I was able to take Smokey for longer walks.

I know that cold temperatures will return in a few days and that at some point, we will probably get more snow to shovel. But I don't think we'll see zero or below again this winter, and snow melts. What's more important to me is that the days are longer, the sunlight is stronger, and I don't have to wear suffocating snow boots on my feet every single time I walk out of the house or swath my face so that only the eyes show.

In terms of winter, I can see the light at the end of the tunnel. And maybe I can see daylight in my work life. Lately, every time I get a Sunday afternoon off, it feels like a very small respite from the amount of time I'm working. But I have only three more weeks of working double jobs. There will be plenty to do after that--get all the information ready for our tax return and then start the early spring work in the garden--but even so, I'm seeing the end approaching in terms of feeling overworked. I'm looking forward to a new season there too.

P.S. The banner photo was taken in early winter. At its worst, the snow was so high that no bench was visible.

Miscellaneous Music Monday

I have a rather spotty history with contemporary music. Because I was raised as a strict Baptist and later attended Wheaton College, I didn't listen to rock music regularly the way most adolescents did. Oh, I would listen to it at times, enough to have a fairly comprehensive familiarity with the songs that were popular in the 1970s.

The decade I followed rock music most seriously was in the 1980s, when I was in my 20s. Mostly mainstream stuff. Mostly it was a backdrop to my on-again-off-again broken heart (long story recounted elsewhere).

Then I got married in 1990 at the age of 31. Michael was someone who listened basically to two types of music: classical music and movie soundtracks. His experience of rock music / contemporary music stopped at about 1971 (when he graduated from high school). So I stopped listening to the radio except for the classical station or the all-news station.

Roughly about the time I hit 40, we went through a period of being interested in jazz. We didn't become afficiandos by any means, but we did get a general familiarity with some of the main artists from the "golden age" of jazz. We never took it far enough to become familiar with who's performing now, but at least it added some variety to our music. We also added some other popular artists to our collection, introduced to us by various family members: Secret Garden, Sara Brightman, Enya.

Then four or five years ago, I was driving to the train station and listening to an interview with Margo Timmins (lead singer of Cowboy Junkies). She sang "Misguided Angel'--a decade-old song I'd never heard because we didn't listen to contemporary music--and it hit me in the chest like a balled-up fist. At the time, I was finally processing some very old grief about something from my past, and the lyrics pummeled me. I bought the CD that very day. (The album is The Trinity Session, and it's one of those jewels that is an almost perfect playlist.)

Then a couple of years later, T Bone Burnett (my hero) came out with a retrospective collection of his whole career. I bought that as soon as it was available and listened to it over and over.



These two events (and the purchase of a laptop with iTunes) combined to give me a new interest in popular music. It comes and goes, but I listen to a couple of different stations that play recent music that isn't too hard or unmelodic. (Although I do have occasional forays into the wild side: I love most of the songs on Icky Thump by the White Stripes).



I still have quite a few gaps in my musical knowledge. We watched the Grammys last night (and 60 Minutes ahead of it), and now I'm curious about Coldplay. I've heard the name for ages, but they just aren't featured on the radio station I listen to most. Anyone want to enlighten me about their best music?

(P.S. I've corrupted Michael. Sometimes when he's cleaning house, I catch him listening to my playlist of 1980s songs on the iPod. Go figure.)

My Favorite Things

"In a week of wondering how various things in our family life will unfold, I found myself thinking of the way Maria comforted the Von Trapp children in one of my favorite movies. Frightened by a thunder storm, the children descend upon her, and she sings to them about her favorite things, taking their minds off the storm.

So, let's encourage ourselves. Share with us five of your favorite things. Use words or pictures, whatever expresses it best."

Songbird at Reflectionary (isn't that the greatest blog title?) posted the above meme yesterday, and invited readers to take part. It struck my fancy, so here goes. As the song says, these are a FEW of my favorite things.

1. Michael, obviously . . . but since he's not really a thing, I decided to post one of our favorite things to do together. We love going to French restaurants. I just love having a really well-prepared, leisurely dinner with exquisite tastes. Yummmm.

2. Smokey and his endearing personality. I love the way he crawls on my lap when I say, "I want a Smokey hug," the way he looks at me so hopefully when he's asking to play fetch, the way he curls up next to me in bed. He's truly the sweetest dog I've ever known.

3. Walking on the beach. This is a difficult favorite because I live more than 1,000 miles away from the ocean, but nevertheless, it is a favorite.

4. Color. I crave it as though it were an addiction. Colorful clothes, colorful yarns, colorful flowers. I can't get enough.

5. Waking up naturally. One of the best things about working as a freelance writer is that I rarely have to be jolted awake by the alarm clock. I just wake up when my body wants to. So humane.

Bonus: Chocolate. I do love really fine chocolates. My favorite chocolates in the world are from here: the Belgian Chocolatier Piron in Evanston, IL. Check out the assortment.

Today is the first day . . .

I can relate . . . 

(for more cartoons, go here)

On Impulse

Saturday, my husband and his sister had to go to a bank in my sister-in-law's town to do some business for their mother. I tagged along, but when we got to the bank, I saw a yarn store across the street. So I decided to spend my time there rather than waiting impatiently in the bank.

Of course, I bought something: a couple of books and one skein of lightweight silk-mohair yarn for a scarf. Not a "baby, it's cold outside" scarf, but an indoor, jazz up a sweater or blazer scarf. You can see the beginnings of it in the photo.

This morning, after going through my prayer list, doing my devotional reading, and reading the daily office for morning, I decided to meditate a bit. On impulse, I picked up the knitting. For those of you who don't knit, the action of knitting is very repetitive and soothing. Only instead of sliding rosary beads through your fingers, you're sliding stitches from needle to needle.

As I was knitting and saying my mantra, I suddenly found myself thinking of the qualities I love about knitting—beauty, creativity, productivity, warmth, and calmness. I began to pray that God would knit each of those qualities into my life.

It was a lovely and unexpected moment.

Blogging Cut-Back

Good morning.

As most of you know, since about November 20, I've been juggling multiple jobs. One characteristic of writing jobs is that they take intense mental focus almost all the time, and for the last two months or more, I've been working about 50 percent more hours than what I consider full-time. I've had to cut back church activities, recreation and relaxation, and what is worse for me, my fiction writing.

Have any of you ever seen the movie Chariots of Fire? If you have, you will probably remember one of the most famous lines of the movie. When Eric Liddell's sister gives him a hard time about running and tells him that he should be doing God's work of being a missionary, he tells her, "When I run, I feel God's pleasure."

That's how it is for me when I write fiction, . . . and I haven't spent a single minute working on my novel since November 21.

Juggling two writing jobs is going to continue for the next four or five weeks (and possibly longer), and I also need to start gathering the information for our accountant to do our taxes. There simply isn't enough time in my week to restore a couple of hours to work on editing my novel unless I cut something else back. And the only thing left to cut back is the blog.

Starting this week, I'm going to post only about half the time: three or four days a week. I'll still visit your blogs but not quite as regularly as I have been. I'll probably take a couple of days a week when I don't read blog posts at all . . . except for anything that looks truly unskippable. (I scroll through them in Reader, so I usually see if there's anything urgent or especially pertinent to my life.)

I know I don't need anyone else's permission to scale back the blog, but I wanted to say this up front so no one will wonder if something is wrong in my life to make me more scarce around the blogosphere. And in the spirit of full disclosure, I can't say how long this will be. It might be a permanent change, or it might last about as long as a Bret Favre retirement. I'll just have to listen to my heart and see how I feel.

All of you who come to read here are so tremendously supportive, and I want to thank you for that. This isn't from dissatisfaction with blogging. I just need a little bit more balance in my life.

P.S. I will still post updates about Ian and Evan whenever Jaime puts them on her journal.